Check up + Misc
I got a nice surprise today.
A doctor made a house call on me. Too few doctors do that nowadays.
I'm glad Doctor Jesus dropped by. It was strange, of course. He opened up my chest, and let me look at what's inside.
My heart, which I thought was fine except for a few scars, was far from that. It was ripped, and still had quite a number of bullet holes, with the bullets still inside. Despite all that, it was still beating. He explained that's why it hurts. It will stop hurting only when it's healed, or when it stops beating. And somehow I knew that it'll still be some time away before either happens.
But He patched up a hole or two, to provide a little relief. He explained why they were there too. I knew how they got there, and when, and what. But never why. I didn't know that the why was simply what the what implied. How simple it seems now.
All part of growing up, He said. Inevitable cuts here, unavoidable bruises there. All to prepare me for the dream He has for me. Imagine that, me being dreamless and hopeless, but Jesus dreams of something big for me. Remember, He said, all that I have learnt about pain.
Crap makes the plant grow. And nutrients and minerals must be absorbed from the fertilizer, while ignoring the waste. Make the best out of the situation, He said. We can't always want to make lemonade, you know. Sometimes we have to use what's given. Who knows? They might like guava or apple instead.
It hurt real bad when He took out some of the bullets, to be sure. Hurt when the tweezers went in, hurt when the hole had to be widened to get the bullet out. Thank God I have a high tolerance of pain. One of the best gifts I have.
Didn't get a tourniquet though. I think my heart would have looked queer if it did. Anyways, He put everything back, and I felt a little better. He said that pain indicates growth. Something like growing pains. But not all pains are good and indicate growth. He promised He'll be back.
I know He will.
***
Strange mental visions aside...
Some people say I seem emotionless. Always feeling neutral, feeling indifferent. Ah, non monsieur! Au contrare!
I am a person, who contains my emotions. I feel every drop of them. Imagine this, that our emotions are a swirly rainbow liquid, and we are like a jar that contains it.
When there is too much emotion, the liquid spills out. Ergo, we cry, we laugh, we express our feelings in visible ways.
I never spill, except for God in His presence. Every single drop of that rainbow liquid is within me. And because none overflows, I feel things greater than most. Each emotion affects me on a deeper level, a greater magnitude. They just don't overflow and spill out of me.
Besides that, my range of emotions are a lot lower in scale than other people. Kinda like the hearing range of human beings, compared to animals.
Only, mine starts from a negative number, to a low positive integer. Thus, why I always say my ups are lower than your downs. Something like that.
This blog, is like a mirror to my soul. Think of it like Perseus's shield. He cannot gaze at Medusa directly, for he'd be turned to stone. So he has to look at Medusa indirectly through the reflection of his polished shield.
So in the same way, you can never look upon my soul directly. Unless you're Einstein, or God, your brain would sizzle. So look at it via this mirror of a blog.
***
Linked from Doulos' blog.
More proof that I'm in the wrong field. But perhaps, if all men lose heart and regret, it is better to regret in the wrong field than to regret in the right field.
A doctor made a house call on me. Too few doctors do that nowadays.
I'm glad Doctor Jesus dropped by. It was strange, of course. He opened up my chest, and let me look at what's inside.
My heart, which I thought was fine except for a few scars, was far from that. It was ripped, and still had quite a number of bullet holes, with the bullets still inside. Despite all that, it was still beating. He explained that's why it hurts. It will stop hurting only when it's healed, or when it stops beating. And somehow I knew that it'll still be some time away before either happens.
But He patched up a hole or two, to provide a little relief. He explained why they were there too. I knew how they got there, and when, and what. But never why. I didn't know that the why was simply what the what implied. How simple it seems now.
All part of growing up, He said. Inevitable cuts here, unavoidable bruises there. All to prepare me for the dream He has for me. Imagine that, me being dreamless and hopeless, but Jesus dreams of something big for me. Remember, He said, all that I have learnt about pain.
Crap makes the plant grow. And nutrients and minerals must be absorbed from the fertilizer, while ignoring the waste. Make the best out of the situation, He said. We can't always want to make lemonade, you know. Sometimes we have to use what's given. Who knows? They might like guava or apple instead.
It hurt real bad when He took out some of the bullets, to be sure. Hurt when the tweezers went in, hurt when the hole had to be widened to get the bullet out. Thank God I have a high tolerance of pain. One of the best gifts I have.
Didn't get a tourniquet though. I think my heart would have looked queer if it did. Anyways, He put everything back, and I felt a little better. He said that pain indicates growth. Something like growing pains. But not all pains are good and indicate growth. He promised He'll be back.
I know He will.
***
Strange mental visions aside...
Some people say I seem emotionless. Always feeling neutral, feeling indifferent. Ah, non monsieur! Au contrare!
I am a person, who contains my emotions. I feel every drop of them. Imagine this, that our emotions are a swirly rainbow liquid, and we are like a jar that contains it.
When there is too much emotion, the liquid spills out. Ergo, we cry, we laugh, we express our feelings in visible ways.
I never spill, except for God in His presence. Every single drop of that rainbow liquid is within me. And because none overflows, I feel things greater than most. Each emotion affects me on a deeper level, a greater magnitude. They just don't overflow and spill out of me.
Besides that, my range of emotions are a lot lower in scale than other people. Kinda like the hearing range of human beings, compared to animals.
Only, mine starts from a negative number, to a low positive integer. Thus, why I always say my ups are lower than your downs. Something like that.
This blog, is like a mirror to my soul. Think of it like Perseus's shield. He cannot gaze at Medusa directly, for he'd be turned to stone. So he has to look at Medusa indirectly through the reflection of his polished shield.
So in the same way, you can never look upon my soul directly. Unless you're Einstein, or God, your brain would sizzle. So look at it via this mirror of a blog.
***
Linked from Doulos' blog.
More proof that I'm in the wrong field. But perhaps, if all men lose heart and regret, it is better to regret in the wrong field than to regret in the right field.
You scored as Philosophy. You should be a Philosophy major! Like the Philosopher, you are contemplative and you enjoy thinking about the purpose for humanity's existence.
What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!) created with QuizFarm.com |
posted by me at 11:01 PM
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